Years ago, a friend of mine told me to actually block off ‘blank space’ time in my calendar. This blank space is an opportunity for our family to do whatever we feel like doing.

This time could be used for individual activities or for group activities, but the goal with this time was to help reduce the feeling of overwhelm and prioritize the idea that doing nothing was important and ok.

Over the years I’ve kept this concept in the back of my mind and each time I sit down to lay out the schedule, I try to find slivers of time for our family to have these blank space moments. As the girls have gotten older, it’s been harder and harder to find the blank space. And often those slivers of time I thought we had, get eaten up with the unpredictable things that come up last minute.

This summer has been non-stop, crazy busy. Bear has been busy and all-consumed at work. I have my personal training clients and training the girls too. We’ve had weeks with the girls at rugby camp where we’ve had to run back and forth for a number of reasons. We seem to have appointments and training sessions in Victoria, more than an hour away, every second day. And as the summer is starting to wind down, we may be planning for a trip to Ontario as our oldest has been offered to play at Nationals for the U17 BC Bears.

Mimi Pie tore her ACL a year ago so to be back in the game is fun and exciting but keeping up with her training schedule, physiotherapy needs along with all the emotions that come along with returning to play feels all consuming – this alone feels like a full-time gig.

Despite the crazy schedule, I have managed to carve out little moments where we head to the lake for maybe an hour in the evening as a family. I was introduced to a spot that has a slide and diving board so we all hop in the car when Bear gets home from work, we have a swim, we laugh and we come home. Usually, I’m the first one out of the water so I sit on my towel and take pictures of the girls with their dad being goofy. There is always this one special moment before they get out of the water where they come to a shallow area – Bear is piggy-backing one and the other one is bobbing up and down and they are all laughing and playing. I wait for this moment where the girls wrap their arms around their daddy and I get to witness their deep love and bond.

The blank space time is also for the family to reconnect as a whole unit as well.

With everyone’s individual schedules, we all see William and spend time with him, but the snuggling up on the couch with William is always a highlight. It doesn’t matter what we watch on TV, William has steady conversation which we all consider to be the play by play – lately it’s been a lot of Youtube, university videos of different living and dining options at several different schools.

He also loves when we all sit down to watch the woman’s rugby games. It’s as if he knows how important it is to his sisters, so he gets excited.

 

Scheduling ‘blank space’ has given me these moments with Bear and the girls and it provides the opportunity for us to feel like a family unit with William.

This time gives Bear a chance to be away from his work and stay bonded with our girls. It lets me sit and appreciate all my kids without the usual chaos. And they get to appreciate us – there’s no nagging, no reminding, no rushing, just fun parents who play on the slide or snuggle with them.

Our conversations are usually about what is happening the next day, but that short trip to the lake or time-out for a little TV time allows us to refocus and feel ready for the next day’s busy. And I think we are all reminded that these small moments are valued by each of us. There have been some big, exciting moments but these little moments are the ones we all carry close and hang onto.

Keep booking the ‘blank space’ – challenge accepted! These are the moments that keep us all connected.

~ Keely

Keely is an author and advocate for children living with disabilities. She lives on Vancouver Island in beautiful British Columbia, with her husband, her son William who has cerebral palsy, her two daughters and several four-legged friends.