For William, his social interactions are primarily with therapists, his care team and our family. Occasionally, the girls will have friends over and he gets that little bit of interaction but it’s hard to find opportunities for him to engage with other kids his age or build friendships.

When he attends art class or cooking class, kids show interest in him and ask questions. He’s clearly happy to meet them and is very entertained by other kids. But these interactions are limited and depend on him making it to those classes.

There are no invites to play dates or birthday parties. There are no kid conversations or sharing of interests. There’s no running around or getting up to mischief.

 

I don’t know how other families with similar levels of complex kiddos help their children build friendships but it’s an area we are working on.

William works on communication skills daily. Most recently we have added several new communication phrases to his eye gaze. Things like, “Hi, I’m William.” “I’m 11 years old.” “I have two older sisters.” “What’s your name?” “How old are you?”

Our speech therapist has helped get William to where he is at with communication and recently suggested that we meet up with other children in the community. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity and our care team is all on board helping William learn new phrases.

William is the kindest little soul and deserves friendships but I also know that it will never follow the normal process. Other kids his age are busy moving and playing. And it takes so much coordination to make a social opportunity happen for him. When we have friends with kids over, they all love him and are happy to participate in whatever he’s doing but beyond the walls of our home, it’s hard for William to participate with other children.

As we work on setting up an opportunity for him to meet a new friend I feel a lot of excitement, but I also feel a little sad. There is nothing organic about it – it’s all planned and contrived, right down to what he has access to say.

I want nothing more than for my little boy to be happy and feel valued, loved and included.

 

I want him to be able to share how he feels and what he thinks about.

For now, I will just remind myself that he is loved and included by the people around him. He has the best sisters who each have their own way with him. His life at home is full of busy days with the people he loves and trusts. And he gets to do some amazing things all on his terms. He’s learning and exploring with the space to do it at his own pace and every day he learns something new or shows a new level of understanding. I know that we all do whatever we can to make sure he’s happy – maybe that’s all that matters?

But I think I will always wonder if it’s possible for my little boy to have a friend.

I’ll keep you posted on how the meet up goes in a future blog.

~ Keely

Keely is an author and advocate for children living with disabilities. She lives on Vancouver Island in beautiful British Columbia, with her husband, her son William who has cerebral palsy, her two daughters and several four-legged friends.