There has been a lot of chatter in our household lately as the school year comes to an end. My oldest, Mimi Pie is finishing up grade 11. She’s been very diligent with her studies and has been preparing for her graduating year since grade 8. Each year she watches the grade 12’s get ready for graduation – picking dresses, chatting about who they are going with, having their nails done, buckling down through final exams, soaking in friendships, picking universities, submitting applications to universities and receiving acceptances.

This year it hit a little different as the next round will include my kid. We celebrate her friends as they receive their acceptances, she shows me pictures of graduation events and my phone is constantly blowing up with pictures of potential dresses. She’s so excited for her final year at her school that she loves. Most of our conversation is around universities, playing rugby, future leadership opportunities at school and the big graduation event that our school celebrates in Whistler every year. Although I’m bursting with pride for her, I quietly reflect on how it will feel when she heads to university to spread her wings and fly. I will miss her!

Over this past week, we realized that we will need to get our ducks in a row for that epic graduation celebration. Family pictures, wardrobes, getting the family there, accommodation, hair, makeup and all the tiny details to make my daughter feel special and her best.

Quickly my mind shifted to William and I began the mental gymnastics of how we were going to make it possible for him to come too. After all, family pictures need to include him, right? And he has to see his sister graduate, right?

For days I felt very sad about the thought of him missing this experience with our family. It took me days of dwelling on the details, of how to make it possible, before I came to the realization that this experience needed to have Mimi Pie in the spotlight.

I spoke with Mimi about her feelings and her response was, “I would love to have William there, but I don’t want the entourage and I want you and dad to be focused on me.” I’m so glad she felt comfortable to tell me what she needed so I contemplated how that would even be possible – travelling with William without the entourage all while keeping her as the focus. I also spoke with another mom at our school who has an exceptional daughter and had been through graduation last year. After giving it a lot of thought and consideration, we will be making plans to attend without William.

My heart feels very sad.

I’m sad that he won’t get a graduation of his own.

I’m sad that he won’t see his big sister all dressed up and celebrating this huge milestone.

I’m sad that our family is forced to make these tough decisions.

I’m sad that William won’t be in our family photos.

And I’m sad knowing I will feel like a piece of our family is missing for this event.

Our world largely revolves around William – it’s always all about him no matter how hard we try to shift our focus. I know in my broken heart that this part of graduation will be all about our daughter and that is how it should be.

I will have the freedom to help her into her dress, hug her more times than she wants and fully embrace the experience with her.

Sometimes the challenge is purely personal and internal. Tears well up in my eyes at the most inopportune times, sad thoughts can paralyze my day and guilt can torch any ounce of confidence I have in being a mom for three children – challenge accepted!

~ Keely

Keely is an author and advocate for children living with disabilities. She lives on Vancouver Island in beautiful British Columbia, with her husband, her son William who has cerebral palsy, her two daughters and several four-legged friends.